Washington Report on Middle East Affairs, April/May 1999, page 138

Publishers’ Page

 

Crunch!

That’s what we had to do with a lot of the articles in this issue, into which we jammed seven pages of charts listing what every candidate for Congress took from Middle East-related political action committees (PACs) in the 1998 election cycle and a special section on Tunisia tied to First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton’s visit there, which is underway as we write, and a subsequent visit to the U.S. later this year by Tunisian President Zine El Abidine Ben Ali.

 

So a Lot of Regular Features...

Have gone missing. They’ll all reappear in the next issue, insh’allah.

 

Someone Told One of Our Editors...

She was “joke deprived.” We were all so depressed we had to sit around eating pizza and chocolate until we felt better. So last issue we ran some jokes submitted by Hollywood gag writer John C. LaMonte. That prompted more, both from him and others. Now we’re no longer joke deprived, but instead we’re space deprived. The only page left is this one, where we also have to talk some politics and drum up enough financial help to get us through to next month. So, like our president, we’ll have to compartmentalize...

 

John C. La Monte Joke:

Some cynics are saying Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu never had any intention of implementing the Wye Plantation accord with the Palestinians. If that’s true, it’s gotta be the most shocking revelation since Claude Rains was in charge of policing casinos in Casablanca.

 

Now, Some Politics:

Whatever one thinks of President Clinton’s legacy to date, subscriber Richard Gross suggests that the president still can commit a memorable and lasting act of statesmanship during Yasser Arafat’s upcoming visit by showing the Palestinian president we really do understand his pain when, in Washington, an Israeli prime minister solemnly commits his country to territorial withdrawal, and then goes home and refuses to do it. The whole point of the peace process was that in exchange for lasting peace Israel would provide room for a Palestinian state in the West Bank and Gaza, which together are only 22 percent of the original Mandate of Palestine, and far less than the land designated for the Palestinian State in the United Nations Partition plan of 1947, which the U.S. so ardently backed.

 

So Why Doesn’t Bill Clinton Just Say...

That when Yasser Arafat declares (or redeclares) a Palestinian state in all of the West Bank and Gaza on May 4, the U.S. will promptly recognize it, just as most other nations already have. And that the U.S. won’t be taking any calls from any Israeli prime minister until Israel recognizes that Palestinian state, as well.

Result I: Israel Elects a Moderate.

Result II: Mideast gets peace and stability.

Result III: Clinton gets a Nobel Prize.

Result IV: The U.S. regains some friends.

Result V: “Terrorism” is Passé

And That’s No Joke

 

Now, a Lebanese Joke:

(from Bérre Ludvigsen of Norway, who studied in Beirut.) When God finished creating the earth someone asked him if he thought it was fair to give the Lebanese sunny Mediterranean beaches, beautiful snow-capped mountains, and miles and miles of fragrant orange groves and apple orchards as well. Oh yes, God replied, because you should see the neighbors I’m giving them!

 

Returning to Politics, It’s Humbling...

To comtemplate both Iraq and Kosovo at the same time. We’re for allowing Iraq to sell all the petroleum it needs to sell in order to pay for all the food and medicines the Iraqi people need. We’re also for lifting restrictions on import of equipment to modernize the oilfields to make those sales possible, and of course to restore water purification and irrigation equipment to improve health and agricultural production. But what happens if some anthrax or sarin slips through? Or if we notice Scud missiles aimed at Israel or Iraqi tanks headed again for the Kuwaiti, or Iranian, or anybody else’s border?

 

Well, Hold That Thought...

While we contemplate Kosovo. We’re sick and tired of hearing from our august congresspersons that they need to be told why we should bomb Serbian military installations to stop the Serbs from deliberately and methodically laying waste to the province of Kosovo in the hope that the 90 percent of its inhabitants whose native language isn’t Serbo-Croatian will flee, and whose autonomous status Serbian dictator Slobodan Milosevic arbitrarily revoked around the same time he began methodically slaughtering Bosnian Muslims as well. Bush knew why he should bomb Belgrade, but didn’t because he was a procrastinating lame duck president. Clinton knew why he should bomb Belgrade but didn’t because he was ethically disadvantaged, watching the Arkansas Razorbacks on television, or harassed by Kenneth Starr—whatever.

 

But Now, Our TV Screens...

Show us nightly that men, women and children are being bombed, shelled, and lined up in ditches and shot. So when your representatives in Congress ask why we should stop it, tell them simply...

 

Because No One Else Will!

We’re telling our representatives in Congress to come to the party and recognize the Palestinian state, which already exists anyway; to support bombing Serbia if that’s what it takes to force Slobodan Milosevic to sign, and keep, the agreement the Kosovars already have signed; and that so long as the people of Iraq get the food and medicines they need, we have no problem with bombing Iraqi forces if they seem inclined to make another lunge at any of their neighbors, or start aiming any weapons of mass destruction at anyone. We don’t think any of that’s too complicated—even for members of Congress.

 

Palestinian Joke from Issam Nashishibi...

British scientists dug 50 meters under London and discovered traces of copper wire. So they announced that 1,000 years ago their ancestors had a telephone network. French scientists then dug 100 meters under Paris and found fibers, leading them to announce that 2,000 years ago their ancestors had a fiber-optic telephone network. Palestinian scientists then dug 150 meters under Jerusalem and found nothing, leading them to announce that 3,000 years ago their ancestors already were using cellular phones.

 

That Doesn’t Leave Much Space...

To explain why we need donations from our readers, NOW! Tell you what. We’ll mail you our semi-annual fund-raising appeal between now and the next issue. In it we’ll tell you of the really remarkable things we’ve done with our Web site on the Internet <http://www.washington-report.org>, now the second most visited Middle East-related Web site in the world, what we’ve been doing with direct mailings to the U.S. press, and how you can pay for your next subscription with discount purchases of all the Middle East books we’re keeping in print because no one else will.

 

So While You Wait for All That...

Please use some of the gift and direct subscription cards facing pp. 38and 102in this issue, or just as good, use the postage-paid envelope facing p. 70 to send your contribution NOW to join this year’s Angels’ Choir (see p. 137):

 

If You Do That:

(1) you don’t have to read our funding appeal between now and the next issue and (2) your name will appear in the next issue’s Angels’ Choir and (3) you’ll help make sure there IS a next issue. So please donate now and...

 

Make a Difference, This Month!

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